Kindness

So work has been crazy, as the days before school opens always are. I had been working long hours and headed home one evening needing to pick up my dry cleaning, get the dog from my daughter’s, and then get home and feed everyone, and of course I was running late for everything. As I flew into the dry cleaners just before it closed to grab my things (trousers I actually needed for the next day…nothing like planning ahead!), I whipped out the only credit card I carry during the week to be greeted by, “I’m sorry, we don’t take that one.” I stood there, dumbfounded. I solve problems for a living and, at that moment, sincerely did not have a clue what to do!

From behind me, a man (patiently waiting to pick up his items) asked politely how much I owed. Before I could even say anything (I think I was also dumbstruck…note the theme), he had paid for both my dry cleaning and his. I asked for his name or number, and he simply said someone had done this for him, so he was paying it forward.

Pay it forward. Pass kindness on.

A dog poop bag being given when you don’t have one. A door being held open when your hands are full. Someone picking up something you didn’t realize you dropped and running after you. We have all received these small kindnesses, but have we paid them forward? And have we shown our children what paying it forward means or even why it is important?

Many of us talk about kindness, and often we demonstrate lessons in kindness by asking our kids to say “please “ and “thank you,” which are important, but can remain merely performative if we just stop there. Who the recipient is of the “please” and “thank you” matters. Why do we say those things? The answer isn’t just “to be polite.” Acknowledging and appreciating the human with whom you are attempting some kind of connection matters, just as being acknowledged mattered to you. You felt good. So it’s important to teach our children, at any and every age, that kindness in all forms, no matter how small or large an act, has an impact on both receiver and giver.

Kindness is how we connect, how we care for one another, how we make one another feel a sense of belonging to a community. Too many of us can too easily slip into the antithesis of kindness and connection and community. Isolated in our car, we can swear at the cars that cut is off in traffic. Alone at our computer, we can  lash out online with comments or posts. These completely or semi-anonymous streams of hate can hurt and even be lethal. Because they are faceless, they prevent and undermine human connection. Engaging in this behavior can quite easily “other” the object of our callous animosity, and we don’t need to stand behind our words. This kind of anonymity tears people, communities, and, sadly, our world apart. It doesn’t consider the effect on the person on the receiving end, or, if it does, it does so without any accountability for the consequences.

What our world needs right now, what we need right now more than ever, are more kindness and connection. Kindness feels great. It satisfies our need for connection and often comes back to us in reciprocal acts of kindness–karma.

So, demonstrate kindness for your kids and have them pass it on. For fun, try a random act of kindness (my favorite is to pay for the coffee for the car behind me at the drive-through) with the message they should pay it forward one day. Show your children you value the person on the other side of your “please” and “thank you.” My bet is that they will follow your example.

Together, we can make the world a kinder place, one kind act at a time.

Nationally-recognized visionary in the areas of educational system improvement and innovation, educational consultant Marja Brandon has been a teacher, head of school, and founder of Seattle Girls School. She is currently the head of school at Childpeace Montessori School in Portland, OR.  She volunteers to offer advice and writes articles for TeensParentsTeachers.  

Like most of the pictures on TeensParentsTeachers, the picture posted with this article is courtesy of a free download from Pixabay.com.