The Troubles of Boys

Millions of words have been thrown at the vexing question; what’s wrong with boys and men?

Boys are comparably less successful than girls in schools. They are statistically disadvantaged in college admissions and are now the minority in medical schools and law schools. Boys and men have a four times higher suicide rate. These and other metrics surely indicate that something is amiss. But for every data point there are a dozen hypotheses. So what is wrong?

I think this issue is addressed in the wrong direction. Rather than examining boys to see why they fail, in relative terms, to succeed in schools and society, we should examine schools and society to see how they fail boys.

In the area I am most qualified to address – schools – the problem is precisely as I suggest; the boys are fine, the schools are not.

Much has been made of developmental differences. Theorists and practitioners argue that school readiness is the issue. For increasingly “academic” early childhood education, girls are “ready” and boys are not. The solution, these wizards suggest, is to delay the start of school for boys until they are sufficiently mature, cognitively and emotionally.

Yes indeed – fix those boys! Little, if any, consideration is given the inarguable fact that “increasingly academic” early childhood education is the problem. Not the boys. The fact that girls navigate this inappropriate milieu with greater relative success is no vindication for misguided policy. It’s not what they need either.

Schools are not designed for actual children. They are designed to facilitate performance that meets data points set by people who don’t know much about actual children. The greater or lesser extent to which this is accomplished drives the next set of metrics and the instruments of assessment torture that actual children are forced to navigate in service of the machine.

Here I proffer an extension of school malfeasance into the data points that follow.

The fact that girls, by temperament, social conditioning and cognitive characteristics, are better able to sit, comply and perform, serves them relatively well throughout the process. Thus their college admission and professional success follows. It is at a high cost, as alarming rates of depression and eating disorders accompany the journey, but their statistics glow nevertheless.

Because boys are less well-equipped to sit, comply and conform, the collateral damage is different – perhaps greater.

In addition to greater school success, at all levels, women’s aspirations and workplace successes have risen steadily for several decades. Much of this can be attributed to partial lifting of historic barriers and biases that have disadvantaged women. But much can also be attributed to the educational system that works in their favor.

Couple these trends with centuries of social conditioning and policy that tell boys and men that worth is determined by high achievement and prestige. As the saying goes, “When someone is accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.”

This is particularly true for white men, for whom the perceived loss of privilege is most acute. It seems likely that this also accounts, at least in part, for the soaring rate of suicide among white men.  One sad statistic is that the suicide rate among white men accelerates in later years, with 70-80 year-olds particularly vulnerable.  This may be attributable to loss of purpose and identity in retirement along with dramatic increases in financial insecurity.  When you were expected to be the breadwinner and bread is scarce, despair may be inevitable.

Other trends also contribute to men’s woes. The percentage of men employed in manufacturing has plummeted in a generation. For many decades, such work provided purpose, good wages, male community and sufficient self-esteem. Here too, far from elite college admission or professional school enrollment, men have lost opportunities more aligned with their temperament and interests.

Employment in the U.S. has skewed dramatically toward the service industry; retail sales, education and health care particularly. Whether or not one considers this work fulfilling or glamorous, women seem both better equipped for and satisfied in these roles.

To draw this morass of observations to a conclusion . . .

These trends in the aggregate have brought us to MAGA. Men, especially white men, feel a real sense of loss and are hellbent on reestablishing their rightful place – in the home, the workplace and the body politic. Immigrants, women, LGBTQ+ folks and people of color are seen as impediments. This is why “social justice” is such a toxic phrase. To many white men, social policy has benefitted everyone but them – and they’re fed up.

This even accounts for Christian Nationalism. What is more suited to restoration of male supremacy than a religion based in patriarchy? For many men, religion is less about faith and more about power.

If I knew solutions, I could compete with Trump for a Nobel Prize.

But to circle back, we could start by insisting on schools that acknowledge and honor the energy, creativity, humor and spirit that boys offer. At least that way they will emerge with more strength and confidence as they encounter the other challenges presented by the structural and social changes of the last few decades.

Steve Nelson is a retired head of a leading progressive school, a grandfather, author and newspaper columnist living in Colorado and Vermont. His book is First Do No Harm: Progressive Education in a Time of Existential Risk. This article was originally posted on his blog, First, Do No Harm, and is posted here with permission from Steve Nelson. 

Like most of the pictures on TeensParentsTeachers, the picture posted with this article is courtesy of a free download from Pixabay.com.