Red leather pants. . .

I wear them every year on my birthday and have since I turned 40 (this year I turn 62, so it’s been a bit!). Let me explain why this tradition is so important to me, even if it mortifies my own four kids.

As a woman now in my 60s, I resent the image of middle-aged or older women portrayed by media in this country. I cannot watch television these days without seeing commercials for wrinkle-reducing cream, hair dye (which presumably you should start in your late 20s), and my new favorite “age-defying” cream, which is guaranteed to make you look ten years younger. Does that mean if you put it on your 16-year-old, she will look 6?

If you want to dye your hair for fun, I’m all for it, but not if the goal is inauthenticity. Honestly, I don’t want to defy my age or disguise my age. I am proud of every one of my 60+ years, and I have earned each and every one of these white hairs (and I can tell you which child and event caused which ones).  I am not someone whose age is a pathology that needs repair, readjustment, or rearrangement. For that matter, I think you can be as beautiful and sexy at 40 or 50 or 60 as you can at 20 or 30 (and often more so since you know yourself way better). So why not celebrate it loudly and proudly and wear those things supposedly “reserved” only for the young and sexy (well, not my typical style on a daily basis, but you get my point)?

I want our kids to be aware of all the messages the media sends, not only to them at their ages, but to us, too. I want them to love themselves through every stage of their lives and to be themselves through every stage without feeling like they need to succumb to an artificial standard that is as impossible to attain at 15 as it is to attain at 45 (certainly without the help of a surgeon and lots of money).  So I am willing to sacrifice my own personal dignity for the cause: I will wear those pants on my birthday from now until such injustices are made right–or until they don’t fit anymore–whichever comes first.

And just as I find my own way of drawing attention to these media lies, you can too, even without donning leather trousers. With every commercial, every reality show, every magazine cover we see comes an opportunity for discussion, for questions, for pointing out the sales patter and simply asking our children to wonder about the underlying assumptions driving it all. While these questions and conversations may not extinguish our teenagers’ focus on appearance, they may well plant seeds that support their critical thinking and, ultimately, their self-efficacy.

The television, internet, social media, etc. ask for neither your permission nor forgiveness and are relentless in the messages they send (think about the quantity alone!). We need to be equally relentless in offering different viewpoints that ask our kids to think and to question what they are seeing.

So while your prodding might not produce lengthy conversations (just because they aren’t answering doesn’t mean they aren’t listening), your well placed questions or your actions can and will have an impact, even if you don’t see it immediately. Consider this on your next birthday…or don’t wait!

Nationally-recognized visionary in the areas of educational system improvement and innovation, educational consultant Marja Brandon has been a teacher, head of school, and founder of Seattle Girls School. She volunteers to offer advice and writes articles for TeensParentsTeachers.

Like most of the pictures on TeensParentsTeachers, the picture posted with this article is courtesy of a free download from Pixabay.com.