How to Teach Problem-Solving (to a Kinder or a Teen or Anyone in Between!)

As parents and teachers, we hate to see our kids struggle with problems. So when they come to us for help, our natural reaction is to do just that–help them find solutions to their problems. Too often, however, we give into our helpful nature (and desire not to see those we care about suffer in the slightest) and try to solve the problems for them–a strategy that may resolve issues quickly but does not actually teach our children how to problem-solve for themselves in the future, when we will not be around to solve problems for them. Learning how to problem-solve and being able to practice the skill and make it an automatic process also can reduce impulsive behaviors and reactions.

So when our children come to us for help, how can we be helpful and, at the same time, teach them to help themselves? Teach them this four-step process for problem-solving starting at any age, and then help model it every time situations arise, and they will become expert problem solvers with and without you.

Step 1 (and perhaps the hardest step!): Identify the problem.  It is not always as clear or as easy as it sounds. “Billy hit me in the sand box”; “My ride to the party that I wasn’t supposed to be at got drunk, and now I don’t have a ride home.”

Step 2: Identify Options. Name as many as you can think of (this can stump some kids because often they stop after the first most obvious answer, but when given the time to think, they begin to brainstorm other, less obvious solutions). “I could hit back, I could tell the teacher, I could tell my parents…”; “I could ride with them anyway, I could drive, I could take a cab, I could call my parents.”

Step 3: Evaluate Each Option and the Pick One. This is a pros-and-cons game: What are the upsides and downsides of each option? When I queried a 10th grade class of mine about the drunk-driving scenario (to the party), they had never even considered options other than having to return with the drunk driver until we brainstormed, and one of them said, “Well, if we called my parents, while they would be mad I went to a party I wasn’t supposed to go to, they would be thrilled I chose to call them instead of making a bad decision.”

Step 4: Evaluate the Outcome. Once you made your decision and acted, how did it go? Don’t leave this step out since it will become a guide for future decision-making. Reflecting on decision-making matters. In retrospect would you make the same decision again or try something different?

Finally, practice  these four steps every day, not just in high-stakes situations. Practice them daily in low-stakes situations so the routine of identifying what the problem is, identifying options, evaluating options, choosing, and reflecting starts to become second nature. Soon, you will have expert problem-solvers who are better equipped to manage both with you and, more importantly, without you.

Nationally-recognized visionary in the areas of educational system improvement and innovation, educational consultant Marja Brandon has been a teacher, head of school, and founder of Seattle Girls School. She volunteers to offer advice and writes articles for TeensParentsTeachers.

 Like most of the pictures on TeensParentsTeachers, the picture posted with this article is courtesy of a free download from Pixabay.com.