How to navigate college as a Black girl from a white suburb

When I was 10 years old, my parents decided it was time for a change and moved us to the small town I now call home. In my most formative years as a child, they had moved us to a predominantly white neighborhood — something I was not prepared to experience.

There, the most diverse quality was being brunette instead of blonde, or having brown eyes rather than blue. I had mostly white teachers and white friends, and everyone always mixed me up with the other three or four Black girls in my grade. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still have a lot of love for where I’m from. The experiences I had — both good and bad — shaped and molded me into the person I am today.

As a Black girl from the white suburbs, I’ve been told I’m “well-spoken” more times than I can count. I had to ask myself if my crush liked Black girls or had to question if someone I knew was secretly racist. For years, I was the only Black person in my classes, my friend group and in clubs, and it made me feel like I was some type of freak. Even at 20 years old, my hair is still recovering from all the straightening I did to fit in when I was in middle school.

I have memories of my father sitting my sister and me down, telling us that as Black women, we had to be nothing but exceptional in everything we did to be seen as more than “that one Black girl”. For almost 10 years, I survived — attempting to discover my true self while feeling misplaced and wrong in my environment. I dreamed of finally escaping my hell and starting a life for myself that I would love by going to college.

When it was finally time for me to head off to Pitt, I had no idea how many things I had to learn and unlearn about myself. I had always heard people say college is the place you go to figure yourself out, but I didn’t actually think this would be true.

My freshman year at Pitt was the first time I had ever seen Black student organizations. It was the first time I went to an event held by the Black Action Society. To be surrounded by people who looked like me, who embraced themselves to the fullest, truly changed something in me and how I wanted my college experience to be.

But even in that space, I had to learn how to fit in. My whole life, I thought I was the weird Black girl, and here at Pitt, I was just another girl. I had to unlearn the mindset I had built that made me think I was unworthy and strange. I was just like anybody else — I was a girl with dreams of friendship, love and happiness.

If you’re like me and getting ready to leave your mostly white suburb, here are some words of encouragement I have for you. You are not alone in how you are feeling. You have never been alone, and you never will be. There are so many people who have faced the struggles you have, and I promise you that here at Pitt, you will be able to find those people.

College is the perfect opportunity for you to find new people who understand you in ways you didn’t even know were possible. While exploring new people and experiences, allow yourself to find yourself outside of the labels you created. Pitt is the perfect place to grow and discover who you are without guilt.

If you’re trying to dip your foot into more Black culture, consider joining Black student groups. For example, I’m a part of the Black Nurses Association, and it’s one of the best decisions I could’ve made. Finding a community that I have common interests with, personally and academically, is so fulfilling in ways I can’t even begin to describe. You may feel like an impostor at first, but it’s ok to feel awkward and out of place. You’ll grow into those spaces with time, I promise.

Even though Pitt is amazing and I have no regrets coming here, it is a predominantly white institution. So yes, sometimes you might be one of the only Black people in your class. Sometimes you might get a side eye or feel judged by others. What you need to remember is those people should never affect how you feel about yourself. You are so much more than an assumption made by a stranger. Building confidence in your daily life will be able to change your perspective on how you view others’ thoughts and yourself.

My last word of advice is to give yourself grace. Your confidence and growth won’t happen in a day, in a month or maybe not even in a year. It’s a steady process that ‌takes time and effort. The process isn’t linear either — there will be days that test you, but it’s your job to try to overcome them. I know I still struggle with my self-confidence and how I view myself, but that’s okay. I know I’m still learning about myself, and I’m at peace with that.

If I could go back in time and meet with my 10-year-old self, I’d tell her everything is going to be fine. I’d tell her we will learn how to manage our curly hair. How she’d never have to cry anymore because she thought she wasn’t enough. I’d tell her that in time, everything would fall into place. To all of you reading this, I hope you know everything will come into place for you, too. You never have to twist yourself to be loved, seen, accepted and successful. I hope Pitt is the place where you come to realize this.

Leaving my white suburb didn’t magically fix my problems, but it did allow me to learn who I was outside the lens of whiteness. My path of self-discovery has been difficult, awkward and is still ongoing, but it’s a path that I would walk over and over again.

Danae Poteat is a student at the University of Pittsburgh. This article was originally published by The Pitt News and is posted here with permission from Danae Poteat.

Like most of the pictures on TeensParentsTeachers, the picture posted with this article is courtesy of a free download from Pixabay.com.